Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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