i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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