We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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