Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
