Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
