i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
