Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
