morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
