oh god the rape fog is back!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
