we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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