hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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