were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
