There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
