If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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