Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
