Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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