She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
