I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
