i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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