Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
