i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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