There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
