my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
