Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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