Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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