He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize