i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
