Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
God, I missed his penis.
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