Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
