Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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