Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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