dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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