when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
