Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
