You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
where am i from again
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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