the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize