I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
