Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
