Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
