While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
