i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
