i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
