I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
