she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
