im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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