I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
