Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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