and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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