I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
