oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
