My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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