I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
