Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
