Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
