need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize