you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
