I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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