At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
