A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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