yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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