She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
