I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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