I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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