I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize