K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
