That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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