dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
