Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
