He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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