My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
