Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
